Last Tuesday, at Track, I noticed something.
In the middle of the session, not before it, not after it.
I realised I was holding back.
This wasn’t hindsight.
It was happening in real time.
I was present. I was participating.
But I wasn’t fully leaning in.
And what struck me most was this:
it was a conscious choice.
Not fear in the dramatic sense.
Not resistance I could easily blame on distraction or fatigue.
It was quieter than that.
Holding back kept things comfortable.
If I didn’t go all the way, I didn’t have to fully face what the session might surface.
I could stay involved without being exposed.
And that’s when it clicked for me:
Most of us don’t avoid growth,
we moderate it.
We engage just enough to feel virtuous, but not enough to be changed.
That insight stayed with me long after the session ended.
Now, when I catch myself hesitating, at Track, in leadership, in life, I come back to one simple question: Am I here to be changed… or to stay comfortable?
Because transformation doesn’t ask for effort alone.
It asks for surrender.
